Marino T-Shirts - The joint custody of the children 
review for Mariagloria Fields
Marino T
The joint custody of the children
Guide to the new law. For parents, mediators, lawyers, psychologists, social workers
Franco Angeli, 2006
Experience shows us that the biggest problems arise when parents lose to a growing realization that, beyond the vicissitudes of the couple, from parents will never be able to escape. Being a parent is an irreversible choice. Growing Together is an association of parents who live the experience of separated family and the difficulties in maintaining their role, and to live it fully, outside of the traditional family patterns. The book Marino T-shirt is dedicated to the hard work of living the role of parent in a context to be built, colliding with the idea of \u200b\u200bfamily, consolidated over centuries of culture and traditions. The real change and real reform happens in people. It is important to everything that stimulates this process. Process that everyone lives and faces, starting from the moment of its growth and evolution in which it resides.
The attitude of the author, in relation to separated parents want to be an attitude respectful and peaceful. As predicted can be done by the couples themselves: without retaliation, without rancor, it 'by one parent to another, it' by the children to their parents. The text is permeated by the idea that each individual belongs to himself and is built taking advantage of every opportunity to grow, even outside the family as we are accustomed to imagine. And this consideration, even today, is given little importance, because we are too used to believe, however, the family living together, the only manager / owner of the healthy development of the human being.
worked so hard to think of family as a passage, necessary every child to grow. Necessary, yes, but tool, which allows each child to grow up enough to know his plan of life and make it happen. Thanks to Marino T-shirt, for the clarity with which, in his book, describes the steps that have characterized the process and the meaning of the law recently passed by Parliament. And thanks also to understand the accents of "mediation" that today you have to do with themselves and their expectations to appreciate it.
I think that is a thank you, however, due to all those who worked with the association and the national "Growing Together", of which T is the President, through the decentralized local offices. Sometimes, even at the cost of personal tensions produced dall'esporsi on issues such as intimate as the separation of couples and the relationship with their children, many parents have continued their efforts for a separation of couples are not exempt from the right / duty to be parents. I read the book with great attention and interest. I realize the process of maturation that has to happen in all of us to take those positions of respect and legitimacy of the other, that enable management of the evolutionary relationship with the children, however, is how to be parents living together or separated.
There is still a long way to go, but this book is as stimuli for the big events, especially for collecting and synthesizing the experience, energy and personal growth (the first pages of the book the author tells us of the complexity of the events that led to the founding of "Growing Together"). I dwell on some points "collected" in the pages of this book where there are opportunities for reflection and where the center is always the child's right to grow, tending to their development and where the most damage is feared the damage to that child that parents have chosen life.
I like to collect just the incentive to keep their children the opportunity to change smoothly over time, the base camp, according to evolve their needs (where the base camp means living with one or other of the parents), because each child will have to climb his mountain, to arrive at its peak. Regarding the idea of \u200b\u200bthe parent reference is interesting to note the report which states, the parent reference and emotional safety is not always the one with whom the child spends more time, or that it shares with the child the important moments of the lunch , or companion to sleep, or watch a movie together. Sometimes the child is close to the parent more fragile, while the parent reference is the other, seen as stronger and more independent. For this reason, very often it is against weaker than the parent's children develop a set of loyalty. E'di utmost importance, therefore, the competence of those who listen to their children, when asked to comment about the parent reference. Prof. T-Shirt, invite them to submit to the court a "plan of reorganization of a separate family, shared by both parents and where it appears clear that each parent thinks the other" in terms of respect and legitimacy of role. "
Subsequent events involving the marriage the couple often in different ways, and lead each other on personal paths, sometimes not shared and not in harmony. At this point it is important that we to overcome the traditional patterns and be able to draw a "map of a separate family, where respect and affection do not change, but you must create new ways to live them, because the family is commonly understood, is no longer able to represent them. The ability of parents to succeed in fulfilling the role of mutual legitimacy, without the "reassurance" of a family living together, is definitely a great opportunity for personal growth and discovery for children. As well as to refer to two homes and two different contexts, if managed properly, can become a great resource for your child in a flexible and resilient mindset.
In his book, T-stresses in separate couples "live together in practice all the possible arrangements (sometimes act as joint custody, sometimes shared, sometimes alternating) can happen for example that one parent stay away for work for periods prolonged. Other times it may happen that the parent who, at that moment is with the child, you will have to adopt a decision that only you hear and feel the need to take immediate contact with each other to make a joint decision . Other times, parents share in the decision table of how to behave in front of a given situation and move respecting the joint agreement.
All these behaviors become problematic when the parents are parenting, and fiercely contested in separate homes, cohabitation is almost synonymous with a guarantee of parenting skills! Sometimes it is to weigh the courage to separate, supporting all the blame of breaking the traditional custom, is the most intellectually honest to be a parent. Inelaborati and frozen conflicts, which eventually found its way into different problems, in the name of a union family in danger of becoming empty form, can be an uncritical and conventional shirk their personal responsibility. Now I just have to point out how difficult it is to keep open a channel of communication face the constant reorganization of family relationships, "not only necessary when you separate, but particularly in respect of continuous evolutionary change of each individual.
This open channel is the only guarantee for Growing Together.
The text contains many suggestions of a legal nature: strategies and examples on how to adjust on one or the other cases, in respect of either article. They are certainly very important aspects, but the book, I hit a lot more attention to the person, and the report: only resources on which you can rely on to deal with any situation, even traumatic, and to transform it, however, into an opportunity for development and growth for everyone.
Mariagloria
Fields (Psychologist Psychotherapist)
